People often ask if the Nurtured Heart Approach will work for children with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). 

The answer is a resounding "YES!" 

Why?  Because the approach employs the strategies that most autistic children need.  If you asked a child with ASD how adults could help him learn to behave appropriately, he would tell you...

•  Give concise directions.  When there are too many words, I can't keep up because I process every word.  When you rephrase and restate, you start to sound like Charlie Brown's mama.  "No hitting" is crystal clear and easier to understand than "Keep your hands to yourself".  (As if I could keep them anywhere else!)
• State directions, don't ask them.  Processing language is a challenge made worse when people don't say what they mean.  And they ask questions that aren't really questions.  This is hard for me.  When you said, "Don't you want to turn off your video game and get ready for bed?" I said, "No," and then I was in trouble for not following your directions. "Turn off the video game," makes sense to me. But if you ask it as a question, I will answer.  If I don't get a choice, don't make me think I do!
•  Time your feedback about what I'm doing correctly when I'm doing it.  If you try to tell me something about this situation later, I may never really understand exactly what you are talking about.  I misinterpret social situations a lot, so they make me anxious.  When I'm anxious, I don't remember specific situations as well.  Telling me I'm doing the right thing in real time not only provides valuable information about exactly what the right thing is, it also helps alleviate some of my anxiety, and ensures I am matching what you are telling me to the specific action you are talking about.
•  Give specific feedback when I get it right.  Vague, abstract words are very difficult for me, causing me to misinterpret what you mean.  If we are eating dinner and you tell me I'm doing a good job, are you referring to the fact that I am staying in my seat, or that I am chewing with my mouth closed, or that I'm not spitting out the peas?
•  Make it functional -- what's in it for me?  I have little or no motivation to do anything that I don't think will have a pay-off for me.  Because it's polite, because you say so, because everybody else is doing it, or because it is expected are not reasons that motivate me.  Give me a reason that has purpose for me.  If doing what you want me to do earns points I can exchange for computer time, now that is worth my effort!
•  Make rules and limits clear.  I need you to tell me plainly and concretely what you want me to know or do; otherwise, I may not understand or remember.  One of the easiest and best ways to make something more clear is to make it visual.  Visual information is more concrete.  I process visual information more easily and efficiently than auditory information.  So, please, close your mouth and write it down!  If I'm not a reader, give me pictures!
• Be consistent with rules and limits.  I spend a great deal of energy trying to figure out the social nuances that govern social situations.  This is incredibly hard for me because there are so many variables to recognize and factor in.  When you are inconsistent in enforcing the rules, it is just another ambiguous factor that confuses me.  I behave best when I know the rule is going to be upheld every day, every minute, not just when you are in the mood or have the time.  Inconsistency makes it much harder for me to learn if it's really a rule or not.
• Give me "just the facts, Ma'am." I process words better than emotion.  When you get emotional, I get confused; I don't always understand the reason for the emotion or what the emotion is or what it has to do with me.  I just know it's bad and it's my fault, so I think I'm bad.  If you leave the emotion out and just tell me to reset, I'll know what I did was wrong.  After my reset, you can explain (calmly and succinctly) what I could do differently next time that would be more helpful.
• Don't harp on my mistakes.  Making mistakes upsets me and getting in trouble upsets me.  When I'm upset, my brain doesn't process auditory information well.  It becomes like static or white noise.  All of your words coming at me when I have done something wrong just adds to the over-stimulation and pushes me closer to a melt-down.  If you would just tell me to reset, I would be better able to handle it and would understand I have made a mistake.

Everything this child has asked for is encompassed in the Nurtured Heart Approach: clarity, consistency, and calmness. It's an approach that helps all children flourish, but it's absolutely necessary for our children on the autism spectrum to be nourished.  Whether your child is 2 or 22, verbal or non-verbal, highly intelligent or cognitively delayed, parenting with the Nurtured Heart Approach will help your child experience success.

About the author: Nancy Kling is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a Master's degree in clinical psychology and a Certified Specialist in the Nurtured Heart Approach.  She has extensive training and experience with autism spectrum disorders, behavioral issues, positive behavioral support, classroom management, and positive school-wide discipline.  Nancy has worked with students with challenging behavior since 1992 and worked in public schools for over ten years as a behavior specialist, a  Licensed Specialist in School Psychology, and an administrator in special education.  She provided assessment, behavioral consultation, parent training, in-home training, and staff development.  Nancy continues to consult with school districts on behavioral issues, provide staff development and present parent workshops.  She also presents workshops for support groups, community organizations, and corporations.  Participants in Nancy's workshops always remark on the practicality of the information she presents, her down-to-earth manner, and her ability to connect with her audiences. Contact Nancy at nancy@behaviorplus-texas.com or (281) 482-7587.