Most ADHD children simply have underdeveloped abilities to apply the brakes...

Anyone who has experienced the glory of focusing one's energies and accomplishing a goal, completing a project or mastering a skill knows that energy is a gift.

Problems occur when energy is uncontrolled. Although energy-challenged children manifest malfunctions of control in pronounced ways, at one time or another we all are flawed in our ability to control our energies.

How many of us can stick to a diet for more than a short period, despite our knowledge of the consequences? How many of us properly avoid overexposure to ultraviolet rays? How many of us have the inner control to overcome our fears, handle our strong feelings or negative thoughts?

The truth is that we are all at least occasionally compromised in our ability to apply healthy self-control to our energy and impulses.

Hyper-energized and hypersensitive children are at a serious disadvantage when it comes to applying the brakes because they have so much more to overcome. The brakes on a cement truck have to work much harder to stop the vehicle at 10 miles per hour than do those on a little Honda going the same speed. Children are still learning to apply the brakes in general; control is a process mastered through evolution and development.

An ADHD child's inability to control his intensity and impulses is mainly looked upon as a curse. Having a lot of energy is not a crime, however, and it need not be a curse.

Most ADHD children simply have underdeveloped abilities to apply the brakes and to contain their strong feelings and impulses.

Their energies periodically or perhaps frequently overwhelm them. They do not consistently get to enjoy the positive impact their energy can have on a project or personal endeavor. If they do, it only happens on and off, seemingly with no rhyme or reason.

So, what's the difference between a highly efficient, energetic child who is positive and successful and a hyperactive child whose behaviors have fallen into patterns of negativity, school failures and other problems?

The only difference is in how the child harnesses and directs his or her energy. It's the same energy with different manifestations.

There is a lot of advice for parents whose children have been diagnosed ADD/ADHD. By far, most of it promotes managing the behavior issues. That's like attempting to slow down a car by placing bumpers, barricades and steep ramps along the road.

A better approach is one that provides the child with the inner strength to manage his or her own energy in such a way as to make it a strength and an avenue to greatness. In other words, showing a child how to master properly applying the car's factory-installed brakes.

That's what I'm fighting for. That's the mission of the Nurtured Heart Approach™ and EnergyParenting.com. Because when parents, educators and caregivers adopt an approach that pulls a child into success, the result is nothing less than the transformation from energy as a curse to energy as a gift.

Here are three EnergyParenting tips for adults who want to help youngsters grow in self mastery of their intensity:

1. Reality Check: Recognize that the intense child is having to exert greater effort than the average child on a moment-by-moment basis to control him or herself; just like the parents, teachers and caregivers of these children also must display greater skill to help these highly energetic children. Give yourself recognition and appreciation for extra effort on the child's behalf, and extend the same to the child for making extra effort in learning how to apply the brakes.

2. Photo Check: Set your mind's camera lens to ask, 'What's right with this picture?' instead of 'What's wrong with this picture.' Anybody can recognize what's going wrong; and doing so helps no one. Challenging children learn to apply the brakes when an aware adult recognizes that they are exerting effort to apply the brakes and in that very moment tells the child, "You are showing self control by eating just one of those yummy cookies." The child then has a firsthand experience of what it feels like to exercise self control, and feels the reward of the adult providing relationship during the moment of success.

3. Rule Check: Ask yourself, "What's NOT going wrong that could easily be going wrong if this child were not exercising self control right now?" When you see it, say it: "You could be whining for another cookie and imitating the cookie monster right now, but you're not. I really appreciate the effort you're making right now to be in control."