Susan McLeod

New research is coming down hard on generic positivity and demonstrating its limiting effects on children - and our nation too. You caught the operative adjective, right? 'Generic.' You won't see that distinction in the headlines, so don't be misled.

The bottom line is, IF you're following ENERGYPARENTING as prescribed by cofounder Howard Glasser, creator of the Nurtured Heart Approach, you're on solid ground. The new studies prove that Howie's got it right, and that he's had it right for 15 years, when it comes to properly using positivity to propel a child's greatness.

The brain-drain brand of positivity, which Glasser long ago coined 'emotional junk food,'is baseless, mindless flattery - parroted over-the-top statements that are not the truth such as, 'Great job,' for any level of effort. Kids immersed in this false positivity end up running from ordinary challenges. Experiments showed these children would rather cheat to keep up appearances and prefer to avoid new experiences than risk any level of failure.

In short, they don't believe what's being said to them, and for good reason, so they cope by hiding behind the puffery and playing it safe so the facade is never challenged.

ENERGYPARENTING recognitions are finely tuned and timed prescriptions that truthfully reflect to our children what we appreciate about them and their efforts, including their ability to handle failure and disappointment. ENERGYPARENTS are well-schooled in the art and science of finding what's right about a child's character and actions, no matter the level, and stating it with honesty, sincerity and explicit specificity.

Here are a few pointers from an article about "NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children," by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, which showcases the extremely worthwhile research of Dr. Carol Dweck. [The NPR article with book excerpts is attached because it's worthwhile reading, along with another on Barbara Ehrenreich's new book, "Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking is Undermining America."]

• Praising and recognizing effort expended vs. innate intelligence propels children to expend more effort and stretch themselves for maximum growth and achievement;
• Telling a child s/he is smart vs. commenting on his level of effort leads the child to underrate the role of effort in achievement and to an avoidance of risk-taking, such as trying new things, for fear of making a mistake and losing the 'smart' label;
• "Emphasizing effort gives children a variable that they can control," Dweck said. "They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child's control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure."
• Specific, sincere, truthful feedback is the only kind of positivity that's meaningful.

These new findings support that ENERGYPARENTING style recognitions are the only kind that truly fortify a child to make his or her best effort in life, and to be willing to endure the struggle to master new skills and reach their full potential and stand in the confidence of well-founded inner wealth.

I'm excited to see research advancing the public knowledge of positivity, and thankful the junk food formula is falling out of favor. I just hope people read beyond the headlines so nobody throws the principle out with the process.

To Your Greatness in ENERGYPARENTING Positivity,

Susan McLeod, Publisher

© 2009 ENERGYPARENTING.COM

WOULD YOU LIKE TO USE THIS RESOURCE IN YOUR BLOG, NEWSLETTER OR WEBSITE? You have our permission to use this resource in its entirety with the following attribution: © 2009 ENERGYPARENTING.COM, the official online learning center for Howard Glasser's Nurtured Heart Approach™. Sign up for ENERGYPARENTING News at www.energyparenting.com and learn why normal parenting, teaching and therapy techniques backfire with challenging children in our free eBook, "The Top 2 Biggest Parenting Mistakes."