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| “A Must for Every Parent and Teacher... Absolutely transformed my relationship with my difficult teenager. We had been stuck in a pattern of disappointment and poor school performance for years...the missing ingredient and now his father and I are proud and completely hopeful for a boy who was headed down the wrong path.”
A. Owens, Pacifica, CA
"Changes within Two Days! ...The techniques have truly transformed my ADHD son into a wonderful, helpful, less emotional child. I can't say enough about how great the Nurtured Heart Approach is. I could see changes in my son within two days, and he was a different child after four weeks of following this approach. Buy it!”
S. Gray "Happy Mom," Poulsbo, WA
“Finally the Insight I Desperately Needed... After much therapy and trying every technique to help my son "behave" better, this blew every other technique away! I felt as if it had been written for our family personally. At the risk of sounding dramatic, this approach has brought a lot of peace and happiness into our home, where before there were a lot of power struggles and misbehavior going on. I teach children in the Arts field, and it has also helped me deal much more effectively with the more difficult students.”
L.W. "Dance Teacher," Redondo Beach, CA
We have thousands more testimonials. Make yours one of them!
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Frequently Asked Questions About the Approach
Lisa Bravo, ParentWoRx.com
Question: How long do I have to do this approach before I see results?
Question: Does the approach work with teenagers?
Question: I am a single parent...can I use this approach with success?
Question: I have tried many different parenting approaches, with little success. How is the Nurtured Heart Approach™ different?
Question: I have several children, but not all of them have behavior problems. Can this approach be used with all of my children, even if they are not in trouble all the time?
Question: My children's father and I are divorced and have shared custody. What are your recommendations for implementing this approach in this situation?
Question: My child has special needs. Will the approach work with him?
Question: What does it mean to have 'inner wealth?'
Question: Why is this approach so effective with challenging children?
Question: Can we do this approach at both home and at school?
Question: If my child's teacher or caregiver does not do the approach, will it still work?
Question: My child is very disobedient. What if I cannot find anything positive to say to her?
Question: What do you mean by 'intensity?'
Question: How long do I have to do this approach before I see results?
Many parents report that results are almost immediate. It takes a few hours to learn the first phase of the approach, and then you can begin practicing the techniques. Implementing the techniques at even the bare minimum will yield positive results. When carried out as though your life depends on it- the result is transformation!
Question: Does the approach work with teenagers?
Yes. You may think that it is too late to try this approach with your difficult teenager. "He'll blow me off." "He'll laugh at me." "He won't care if I am trying." These are common fears that we hear from parents every day. If your intention is to change the relationship and reconnect with your teen, this is the way to go. If what you are doing now isn't working, why do more of the same? It is a leap of faith- but it is worth the leap!
Question: I am a single parent and I am hesitant to try an approach that is going to complicate my life any more than it already is. Do you know any single parents that have used this approach with success?
Yes. Unlike other traditional parenting methods that seem to be designed for two parent homes, the Nurtured Heart Approach™ is an excellent choice because it empowers you to create the changes you want to see in your household. It is simple to implement and quick to work. As you get more comfortable implementing this approach, you will notice your children begin to internalize healthier coping skills, and you will notice more cooperation, teamwork, and friendship among your children. They will begin to speak to others with more nurturing language. When conflicts arise, you will be less likely to get pulled in because you are no longer giving your energy to negativity. Of course, you will give a consequence for every broken rule, but the day will no longer be defined by "what went wrong."
Question: I have tried many different parenting approaches, with little success. How is the Nurtured Heart Approach™ different?
We hear this concern often, and it really speaks to the diligence of people who are parenting intense children. They usually exhaust themselves trying any option they think might help their children, unfortunately, without much or lasting success. The Nurtured Heart Approach™ is different. It was designed in a laboratory of very intense children and produces remarkably consistent and excellent results with all children. Key to the approach is the creator's understanding of how energy influences and affects children. Intense and challenging children act out because they crave the energy adults emit in response to their outbursts. Conventional parenting, the model most of us were raised in and therefore the model that we have inherited as our own, teaches us that when children misbehave, we should become more animated, raise our voices, and become more intensely involved in the situation. When this scenario repeatedly plays itself out, children form the impression that in order to get relationship and connection from the important adults in their lives, they must act out. The Nurtured Heart Approach™ rejects this model and teaches parents how to "get the energy right" in relation to their children, which creates a transformational experience in very short order!
Question: I have several children, but not all of them have behavior problems. Can this approach be used with all of my children, even if they are not in trouble all the time?
Yes. We have found that it is often easier for families to implement the approach with their whole family instead of just the "difficult one" for several reasons. The "good" kids in the family tend to become resentful of the new relationship that you are creating and may act out to get in on some of the nurturing. For this reason, we recommend implementing the approach within the entire family at its inception. Our prescriptive motto is to match the application of the approach to the intensity of the child: "The more intense the child, the more intense the intervention." It's OK for children to receive differing levels of intervention; just make sure all the children are reaping the rewards of this approach.
Question: My children's father and I are divorced and have shared custody. What are your recommendations for implementing this approach in this situation?
It's ideal for both parents to be on the same page when it comes to parenting. When children feel loved and nurtured by both parents through the stressful process of divorce, they tend to demonstrate fewer symptoms related to the anxiety that often goes along with divorce. Also, children seem to feel safer about expressing their feelings and needs to their parents. However, there are times when healthy co-parenting is not an option. The Nurtured Heart Approach™ can be successfully implemented by one parent even if the child/children are also being parented for part of the week with a different approach. We have found that children become experts at discerning their environment and more able to adapt to different situations when they are exposed to the Nurtured Heart Approach™. We attribute that to inner wealth. When children have inner wealth, they adapt more readily to other environments and cope with stress in more healthy and effective ways. The "Credit System" phase of the approach can help keep kids on track when they are not with you, and also can help restore the structure of your household in a very concrete way when they return to your care.
Question: My child has special needs. Will the approach work with him?
This approach is an excellent choice for children with special needs including, but not limited to, ADD,ADHD, ODD, ED/BD, PDD, Autism, Asbergers, FAS, Bi-Polar Disorder, Anxiety and others. Most often implemented in conjunction with other recommended therapies, the Nurtured Heart Approach™ has been found to improve self-modulation, increase impulse control and decrease behavioral problems, both in the classroom setting and at home.
Question: What does it mean to have 'inner wealth?'
We mean inner strength. The Nurtured Heart Approach focuses on creating children who are strong on the inside and therefore less vulnerable to negative peer pressure. When children experience inner wealth, they are less motivated to please others and more interested in tapping into their own feelings and wisdom to guide their decisions. They live their lives in the moment and are tuned in to the feelings and concerns of others in a healthy way. They take responsibility for their daily choices, and no longer blame everyone around them when it does not go their way. When things go wrong, it is seen as just a bump in the road, and they are able to move on from that point, only minimally affected.
Question: Why is this approach so effective with challenging children?
When children live their lives through adversity, they form the impression that they get more out of life through not doing. This impression gets reinforced each time adults give relationship and connection to them within the context of adversity. Traditional parenting techniques do not work with intense and difficult children and, in fact, often make the situation worse. They focus on the problem and feed the cycle of adversarial behavior. Children become confused about what is a reward and what is a punishment. When the relationship is based on problems, all you get are problems, because children seek relationship. In the Nurtured Heart Approach, the goal is to send the message that there is no longer anything to be gained from being adversarial. We do this by laying out clear and reasonable consequences, and de-energizing failure. We create a steady stream of emotional nutrition through energy-rich time-in. Because the relationship is the prize, and the child is fully experiencing a relationship based on connection and nurturing, there is no longer any motivation to misbehave.
Question: Can we do this approach at both home and at school?
This approach can be implemented effectively both at home and at school. It is not uncommon for children to have problems relating to others over a broad range of social settings. More than 100 schools are using the Nurtured Heart™ approach because of its simplicity and remarkable results -- dramatically reducing behavior problems, teacher turnover and special education costs. It is ideal to have the same system in place in both at school and at home. However, if this is not a possibility, the credit system we prescribe is an effective way to extend the effectiveness of the approach outside of your home life.
Question: If my child's teacher or caregiver does not do the approach, will it still work?
Yes. By utilizing the credit system, as described in Transforming the Difficult Child, parents have the ability to extend the Nurtured Heart Approach to your child's school/daycare and continue to create successes that might not otherwise exist throughout your child's day. Also, because your child is feeling better about living in the world due to her new and expanding portfolio of success, she is less moody, less impulsive, more inspired and happier. We have found that children often generalize their new found experience of inner wealth to other settings and adults.
Question: My child is very disobedient. What if I cannot find anything positive to say to her?
We teach you how to skillfully create success for your child out of thin air. You don't have to wait around to try to catch your child being good. You probably feel like you have tried everything, and nothing has worked. The Nurtured Heart Approach™ works. It is designed to build healthy dynamics again through some very simple techniques. By creating successes and recognizing your child according to our prescriptions, and taking a stand to de-energize negativity, parents have the ability to create the relationship they have always wanted with their child.
Question: What do you mean by 'intensity?'
The Nurtured Heart Approach™ views intensity as a gift. It is our life force and the conduit through which we interact with the world. We do not see intensity as something that needs to be subdued or extinguished. Rather, we see intensity as a necessary ingredient in every person's journey toward greatness. Many children come to resent their intensity because the well-meaning adults in their lives send the message that there is something wrong with it- that it is too much, that they are too overbearing, too loud, too excited, too fill-in-the-blank. The child believes, "I am too much, nobody can handle me." When children feel great about who they are, they become more tuned in to themselves and more skilled at regulating their intensity. They master the art of channeling their intensity and learn to manifest what they desire. Do you think that Thomas Edison was an intense child? What about Albert Einstein? Gandhi? Martin Luther King? All of these people took their intensity and used it to change the world. Our approach helps parents raise today's would-be world-changers.
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ENERGYPARENTING
